Pulse Blogger: Giving the green light

If you find yourself on the path that leads you into trouble, you probably made that choice consciously or unconsciously.

I remember taking a stroll one evening with a male friend sometime in 2013. I’ll refer to him in this article as Alex.

Alex and I loved taking evening strolls and chatting about various subjects. Not to deviate from the purpose of this article, I’ll go back to this special evening in 2013.

While Alex and I conversed that day, the topic of boys came up. It was a good opportunity for me to report a mutual friend to him. I’ll call this mutual friend Damian. I complained about how Damian wanted to engage me in things I wasn’t interested in. I went on and on about how hard I tried to push him away and how he just wouldn’t let me be. To me Damian had become, forgive my use of English, a pest.

Alex listened to my story and complaints without saying a word. When I was done talking, he said something that brought my insides to a halt. Want to know what he said? Of course I’ll tell you.

“Maybe you’re giving him the green light”, he said

“Giving him the green light?” I wondered “How’s that possible? I really want this person off my back!”

“Well, what you really want doesn't tally with your actions. That’s probably why he keeps coming back”

I had to pause for some seconds to digest what he had just said. What I really want doesn't tally with my actions. To be honest, this statement was really true.

Whenever Damian came to me with a suggestion that bent towards wrong doing, I would give a listening ear and act comfortable with it because I didn’t want to make him feel bad or “judged”. Not once did I reprimand him for these wrong things. No. I continued like this for a long time so he wouldn’t see me as someone who didn’t know “what’s up”.

Why did I just tell this story of mine? The reason is simple. Certain people have complained about people introducing to them things they have no interest in. Others have complained about people asking them to do things below the ideal moral standards. They, like me, might have tried to push these people away but failed because they probably gave the “Green Light” too.

What is this Green Light I’ve been going on about? The “Green Light” is simply that iota of interest displayed. It is that unconscious or conscious ‘Yes’ you say masked in a ‘No’. In other words, giving the Green Light is you saying ‘No’ when you really mean ‘Yes’.

A good scenario of giving the Green Light is that of an accountant telling his colleagues that he isn’t interested in fraud when he constantly exhibits covetousness and stylishly takes what’s meant for other people. He has unconsciously said “I’m available for this business, let’s do this”.

Having shed light into what the “Green Light” is about, let’s talk about the way out.

The first thing to do is to honestly examine yourself. What green light do I give people? The funny thing is, you might be displaying this Green Light without even realizing it so you really need to be careful and thorough while examining yourself. You should also examine the kind of company you keep. They just might be that Green Light we’re talking about. Having identified areas where you’re giving the green light, put this light off immediately. Don’t think twice.

The second step is to begin to make your standards known, don’t try to hide it. Let people know what you stand for. Stop trying to be a people pleaser. When you are able to do these, trust me, these people will think twice before approaching you.

Written by Tolulope Olulola.

Tolulope Olulola is a prose writer and a budding poet. She believes stories have the ability to change the world. Her passion for writing and love for change has set her on course to write inspirational fiction that cut across various subjects. You can connect with her through her blog, tolulade.wordpress.com or on Instagram @Ladewrites

SOURCE - PULSE.NG posted by Campus94