The Fiver | A pitiful, nay McMenemyesque, state of affairs

It only seems like yesterday when Sunderland were battering aristocratic Aston Villa 7-2 and the so-called Invincibles of Preston North End 4-1, results which shook the Victorian football scene to such an extent that the Football League had no choice but to grant them membership, having previously refused them entry on account of the town being quite a long way north and therefore rather expensive to get to. Doesn’t time fly, eh. But six English titles and five runners-up spots later – that’s a better record than the likes of Chelsea, Manchester City, Tottenham Hotspur and, oh, who’s this, Newcastle – and this grand old club find themselves in a wee spot of bother.
See, they’ve not won at home since goals from Brian Clough and Amby Fogarty saw off Rotherham United in September 1962 [subs: please check] and as a consequence are currently second from bottom of England’s second division. This is a pitiful, nay McMenemyesque, state of affairs, which may explain why last night they sacked the Lawrie de nos jours, Simon Grayson, 0.000000000000234 seconds after the final whistle of an entertaining, for the neutral, 3-3 draw with Bolton. Fans immediately flocked to social media and radio phone-in shows to celebrate Grayson’s departure, though given their club might be in the market for a League One promotion specialist this time next year, perhaps it would have been wise to keep some powder dry.
Exactly who takes over right now is a moot point. The early favourite is former Middlesbrough boss Aitor Karanka, and there have been rumblings of a player-manager role for John O’Shea, who is also well represented in the betting. But take all that with a pinch of salt, because The Fiver worries we accidently brought up an old cached page on our Mosaic browser, given short prices were also given for the likes of Alex McLeish, Roy Keane, Peter Reid, Dave Jones and ‘Arry Redknapp. Perhaps they should give Malcolm Crosby a shout and be done with it.
But we are sure of one thing: whichever cutting-edge solution Sunderland plump for, the new man will have one hell of a job on his hands. As surprised Bolton boss Phil Parkinson observed in the wake of Grayson’s late-night sacking: “I think anybody who comes into this club is going to find it a tough challenge.” Some even wonder whether the club is beyond salvation, with strong rumours, albeit denied, of out-of-control player power combined with an old-school drinking culture. Sunderland unmanageable! The very thought. Victorian supremo Tom Watson must be spinning in his grave.
Join Jacob Steinberg from 7.45pm GMT for hot MBM coverage of Tottenham 2-2 Real Madrid, while Scott Murray will be on hand for Napoli 2-2 Manchester City and Paul Doyle will be helming Liverpool 10-0 Maribor.
“I think 15 matches is normal time for a decision and if the owner decides about me I will agree, no problem. I am my own most serious analyst” – Hull boss Leonid Slutsky appears more than ready to do one only days after criticising the home fans’ Allam Out squeezy ball antics.

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“I have just celebrated my 74th birthday (yesterday’s Still Want Mores), does this mean I will now get a mention in The Fiver?” – Trevor Wastell.
“I’m sure you will be inundated with 1,056 similar emails informing you that the Lowry Hotel, José’s current home, is actually in Salford, not Manchester, although just yards from the River Irwell which forms the boundary between the two” – John Dean (and no others).
“Danny Murphy’s diagnosis about ‘what’s wrong with society’ (Tuesday’s Quote of the Day) – as seen in the back-to-front shirts of England’s U-17 World Cup winners – gets it all wrong. It’s not the hiding of the badge he should be worried about, but the fact that the young lad on the far right is still in nappies! Here in the USA! USA!! USA!!! he’d get a medal just for showing up at that tender age. If you really want the young cubs to honour England in future competitions Danny, perhaps the manufacturers should be instructed to put the Three Lions on both sides of their onesies!” – Justin Kavanagh (and loads of others).
“José Mourinho has said that Romelu Lukaku should be considered ‘untouchable’ – a bit like the ball after Rom’s monstrous first touch. But this is the same manager who, at Chelsea, sent the player to West Brom and Everton on loan, before flogging him to Everton in 2014. Where does José’s fickle nature stem from? Must be a case of mind over Mata” – James Christopher.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Trevor Wastell, because it’s his birthday. Tomorrow, letter o’ the day prizes are back. We’ll have copies of David Squires’ brilliant new book, Hall of Fame, to give away. So get scribbling!
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Arsenal’s board have responded to being branded out-of-touch elitists with a new pledge to fans: an extra 780 hospitality seats at the Emirates by 2019. Meanwhile, Arsène Wenger has urged Gareth Southgate to pick Union Jack Wilshere for England despite not having let him start one Premier League match this season.
José Mourinho is scheduled to face accusations of tax-knack in Spain on Friday, two days before Manchester United 1-1 Chelsea. United are yet to confirm if he’ll go; Mourinho denies wrongdoing.
Wolves boss Nuno Espírito Santo is considering jumping into the Ronald Koeman-shaped hole in Everton’s dugout.
Chris Coleman says he may or may not stay on at Wales when his contract ends next month. “If we can’t move forward together, I’ll still be super proud of leading my country for six years through good and bad,” he honked. “Nobody can take that away.”
Taxpayers FC captain Mark Noble reckons he and his team-mates need to work harder on not giving away 97th-minute equalisers. “People talk about ‘managing the game’ and a lot of it is common sense,” he sighed. “I don’t think we have done that well enough.”
Southampton winger Nathan Redmond hopes to win a place in England’s World Cup squad alongside James Ward-Prowse. “Ever since me and Prowsey got called up by England [Prowsey and I - Fiver sub-ed] it’s given me that extra motivation,” he tooted.
And African Big Cup finalists Al-Ahly had to cancel a training session after tens of thousands of fans turned up to watch players doing shuttle-runs and burpees.
Sign up and receive the best of Big Website’s coverage, every Friday, it says here. Seems to be a curious lack of mentions for The Fiver …
Zinedine Zidane’s Real arrive in That London after their worst start in the league since the Mourinho era, reports Sid Lowe – but Big Cup has often been their escape.

What were Keys, Gray and Big Sam really talking about, asks Marina Hyde.
The Kremlin’s Stan Collymore starts his new show on RT on Friday, writes Barry Glendenning. Stan’s ready for Russia – but is Russia really ready for Stan?
José Mourinho really likes bickering with Manchester United fans. It’s his thing. But what’s it all about, asks Paul Wilson.
The day a non-league defender marked Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang in a Newcastle suburb ... after running a 10k. By Tom Nicholson.
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Hermab Mayadeo asks: “Has there been any match ever where the scoreline has been more than 1-1 but only one player scored?” The Knowledge is here for you, Hermab.
And Arsenal’s plan for a 31 January 10.55pm bid for Thomas Lemar could be brought forward an hour or so after Barcelona and Liverpool took a liking, reckons The Mill.
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SOURCE : GUARDIAN SPORTS
posted by CAMPUS94